don't believe in punishments

Also, I've learned from this style of parenting that their motive isn't always what we think or assume their motive is. Usually their motive has absolutely nothing to do with what they've done - what they've done is more like a symptom but not the illness. You punishing symptoms is like treating the symptoms but not the illness. Which means the symptoms will just keep coming back. And it's impossible to punish the illness to heal it, it just would make it worse. The only way to heal it is to find it, understand it, and work with it until the symptoms fade away. And I personally feel that when it comes to children all it takes to heal the illness is love, understanding, compassion, and acceptance. Not acceptance of the symptoms - nobody likes those. But acceptance of the things that cause the symptoms - the emotions.

 I want to throw out there that I personally do not believe in punishments whatsoever. My oldest is almost 7 and she is the most amazing human I have ever known. She is so kind, compassionate, loving, understanding, thoughtful, intelligent, I could go on and on and on. The only thing she lacks is patience and I think that's her age. Lol time feels so much slower to her than it does me.She doesn't hit, doesn't kick, has never slammed a door or thrown anything, when she's upset she says, " mommy I just need some time to myself " she usually sits on her bed by choice or grand something to play with and I wait until she's ready to talk.Even if she does something that really upsets me I don't punish her and I don't take her things away. And she very very very rarely does things that upset me - those are usually impulses that she didn't think about beforehand. Like one time she pushed her baby brother off the bed. She didn't purposely try to hurt him - she just didn't want him getting into her paperwork. But I got really upset because it could have hurt him badly. She quickly realized that she could have seriously hurt him and she went to sit on her bed. When we Both calmed down we talked about it together and she hugged and kissed her brother - on her own, and apologized.My idea with not taking things is - as an adult that would make me even more angry, how would it not create the same feeling in a child? When I'm upset I NEED something to help me calm down - an outlet. My phone, crocheting, a puzzle. Whatever it is. Children also need an outlet. Anyway, my point of this is to prove from my style of parenting and the proof in my child that these other methods are not necessary to get a good child and they don't work based on fear but by love and respect of each other.